SELF-LOVE Pt. 2
- Idalis Monserrate
- Jul 23, 2024
- 7 min read
Lovers of self
I loathe you. we say to ourselves each time we push away those who's love we struggle to accept. self-love is a big topic now a days, when done with a pure heart it is truly a beautiful thing to see someone fully walk in. But can we be real for a sec? claiming our love for ourselves is the reason we run away and keep everyone at arm's reach is not love, its self-hate.
Self-preservations root cause is often calamity. "No one can hurt me if there is no one close enough to do so". It's logical, but deeply lonely. We crave nearness and yet drown when someone weathers enough of our own storms with us. Their proximity makes us feel like we are drowning, and we can't explain why. We withdraw from the connection in hopes of preserving our own freedom. I was there once, now that I've faced that goliath, I realized that persons love only exposed my feelings of unworthiness which made me become hesitant. It wasn't them; it was me. Self-love blinded that truth and gave me the excuse to not deal with it. In my mind I was just waiting for that next best thing. Since calvary's truth hadn't transformed me just yet, nothing was enough. How quick we are to throw away something good because we lack the discernment needed to see something as such. Self-love in truth when done like the world breeds greed and greed doesn't have a type. Nothing in any area of our lives can ever be enough because we don't truly believe we are and if we can take it a step deeper, we don't believe God is. We give Him our worship out of routine more than out of full awe and reverence. I recently heard, "ALL of me is the LEAST I can give God". I thought I understood that before but now I know it hadn't hit my heart; I didn't believe it. It wasn't personal because if it was it would have transformed me. I would've surrendered my ways in totality long ago instead of compartmentalizing where the Lord was Lord. When the Lord is Lord over everything in our lives our free will is given to his plans and calling, His life for us, His suffering, His development, His no's, His yeses without negotiation, His ways on how we act in all our relationships, His standard of purity. I don't care if my flesh says this looks or feels better, my flesh is not my God. Who do we think we are to believe we can negotiate with the Lord, "my obedience in exchange of your blessing in this specific area", we really are greedy to live like that. When did we start seeing full adoration for God as legalism? As something that's too extra to do? and I don't mean when we are at church during praise and worship because that's easier to do, I mean with our lives?
The world has done a great job at spreading this false narrative of what self-love truly is. the worlds version tells us to ghost people, to not have hard convo's, to not admit our weaknesses to someone trustworthy, to not hold ourselves and others accountable. The worlds version of self-love tells us that everyone secretly hates us and is after us, it tells us to find freedom in dropping people like nothing and claiming our love for ourselves is what is leading us to freedom. But if we question the heart of this movement, what we have actually subscribed to is paranoia, a constant state of anxiety and an ego so large that we end up losing our own selves in it. We have chosen bondage over the freedom we have as children of God.
1 John 4:18 (AMP) says "There is no fear in love (dread does not exist) But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves (the expectation of divine) punishment, so the one who is afraid (of God's judgement) is not perfected in love (has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God's love) ". Paranoia and anxiety both stem from fear, if the love we are giving ourselves is fear based and limits us in giving it freely, that is not true love and so it cannot be self-love. Proverbs 3 is a great place to start the undoing of our old beliefs. When we honor the Lord, we love ourselves. When we uphold His commandments, we love ourselves. When we hold His discipline as the only thing that is true, we love ourselves. When we find our identity in scripture, we love ourselves. The world can only do what it is designed to do, draw us further away from truth and then hurt us until we lose our sense of self, that is hate. The world is full of greed, if we consume it how can we believe we aren't eventually going to be consumed and poisoned by it? Have we learned nothing from Adam and Eve? We would benefit so much from truly believing God's word and accept that our trauma is vindicated every time we pray for those who hurt us. Every time we forgive. Every time we choose compassion in the face of a disheartening conversation. Every time we love anyways. That is self-love because that is what flows from a surrendered heart, that is what happens when we believe so much in what Jesus did on calvary that we're transformed by it.
I know I have failed a lot in my walk, I have called things love that were hate and have stored my greed underneath my smile. Ill speak for me because truly I do not know you. But withholding my love and accumulating excuses for why doing so is best for me and someone else never did anything but starve my character and feed my wounds. My fear of rejection grew and so did my abandonment issues. But what else can we expect to grow when we abandon ourselves? when we reject ourselves? what else can we breed when we first do both of those things to God?
So, to wrap up this two-part post. The heart of the first piece and this piece is to call out the true followers of Christ to come back to a complete surrendered life. It's to encourage His children to stop running from the call on their lives. To leave the worlds ways to the wicked and to fully delight ourselves in the Father. To return to His house knowing that He is the only good thing this life truly has to offer us until Jesus's return. No thing or position or partner can fill that deep dry well at the pit of our soul. It's a well I hadn't known was there until everything was tested. I've stood in high places and in low valleys and nothing filled that well, nothing felt enough. There was always something to complain about or long for. There was always something so much better on the other side of my next breakthrough. Friend what if your next breakthrough is "just" a full revelation of Christ in all His splendor? To have such a revelation of that that nothing goes back to how it was. What if you're so marked by His presence that the world and its ways and desires start to taste bitter to you? When we truly have that real soul quenching revelation that Christ is so much better than a thing or lover, we are able to see and enjoy all the other riches that are actually stored here on earth for us. But if we can't grasp how grand Christ is in truth with every fiber of our being dwelling places will be momentary visits. People we're called to build with will be landmarks we visit and friendships we experience in passing. Whatever happened to our willingness to dwell? The art of dwelling in all riches of the Lord. In the sharpening of our character to continuously be so low that Christ is the upmost. May we dwell longer with the truth that nothing, but Christ will transform us to the point of true satisfaction. If you don't believe me and you decide to go and try it anyways, try the running from your calling, the rejection of who the Lord has called you to, the passivity of letting life pass you by while being deeply bored of the mundane. Maybe you really want simplicity for another season and another after that, maybe your thirst doesn't bother you. I challenge you to take a good look at the life that will pass you by. At the children you refuse to break bread with and the glory you believe yourself in control of withholding from God as if He didn't bleed to death on calvary for you. I'm telling you that is a miserable way to live, It's empty. The thirst is so grand that your lust controls your every desire. That hunger in you really believes the mundane and the people you find while in that cycle are at fault for your dissatisfaction. My friend I tell you with love to look in the mirror and learn to have compassion for the cause of all your dissatisfaction because it is the reflection you see staring back at you. We cannot be so mindless to think this way anymore. Our generation has lost its sense of urgency for the things of God. For His word, for His presence and for the souls not yet restored by His Holy Spirit. So, with all the compassion I can muster up in these next few words I say, run to Jesus. Break in his presence, lose your sense of self for just a moment. The world and the people in it have harmed you in unexplainable ways, in ways maybe you haven't even found the heart to admit. You aren't alone. I stand right there with you. Let's run to Jesus, friend. He's a better savior than you and me. He's the only true savior. There has never been nor will there ever be another, Jesus.
SONG OF THE DAY: Give me Jesus- Upperroom, Abbie Gamboa
John 15:13-14: No one has greater love (nor stronger commitment) than to lay down his own life for his friends. you are My friends if you keep on doing what I command you."
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